Our New Years Resolutions and Our Values
by Allison Watts, DDS
What’s most important to you?
Is it family? Faith? Contribution?
What do you want it to look like when you have it in your life?
In the context of New Years, the time of year everyone’s talking about resolutions and goals, I thought it would be fitting to talk about values. Before I talk about values, I want to put it in context with some other words we hear a lot…. Vision, mission, and goals.
A great analogy is a map (see below):
- You are here is where we are in our lives currently.
- Vision is the destination we want to get to, where we are going–What will it look like? What will it feel like? and What will it be like when I get where I want to go? What will I be doing, thinking, feeling? Who will I be with? These are the types of questions we must ask ourselves to become clear on our vision.
- Goals are the steps on the way to the vision.
- Mission is the vehicle, HOW we will get to our vision (the services we provide, the work we do, etc)
- Values are the compass. They tell us which direction to go in the moment. I believe without values the others are almost useless because values tell you which choice to make. It’s what actually keeps you on track along the way. It’s what allows us to “enjoy the journey”.
You see if we don’t use values as our compass, looking at them often to guide our direction, we may end up not enjoying the journey and not very fulfilled when we “get there” / reach our goals or experience what we said we wanted in our vision.
I have had this experience many times (most of my life), where I created a vision, set goals for myself and my practice and then accomplished my goals, but the journey was empty and I just kept going, pushing through believing that when I got “there”, I’d finally be happy and fulfilled. Nope! I believe the reason I experienced this emptiness even though I reached my goals and vision is because of my lack of clarity about my values–what mine truly were and how to work with them.
The definition of value is something we hold dear and precious. Our values come from our parents, schools, churches, peers and other influences, including cultural and gender. Inglehart’s "Theory of Intergenerational Value Change" asserts that a key determinant of one’s values relates to the conditions of their upbringing, chiefly how secure or insecure one felt. For instance, a child brought up in insecure economic enviromment is likely to gravitate to modern values with their focus on achievement, growth, and economic success. Similarly, a child brought up in conditions of great economic security, where it’s not a worry, is more likely to gravitate to postmodern values, with its emphasis on self-expression, well-being, and experiences.
Our childhood situation and experiences have a strong and lasting influence, but it is not decisive. We must sort through the influences and messages in the process of forming our own identity to be in conscious choice. Though we are subject to many influences, we decide ultimately what is most important to us.
Why do we sometimes say we value something and then do things that are not in alignment with that? Often when we say we value something, that is a value we want to have or we are conscious of. The problem is we have other “values” and fears that subconsciously drive us and override our conscious values. We act on what we believe, not what we want, and sometimes what we believe is deep in our subconscious programming.
How do we figure out our values, even the ones that are subconscious? How do we know what’s really important to us? The best way to figure out the belief or at least get close to the belief that’s guiding us is to look at our choices and results.
Other ways to figure out our values:
- Values exercises. Click here for my favorite values exercise.
- Obituary or epitaph exercise. Write down in detail what you want said at your eulogy, written on your tombstone, or in your obituary. What do you want people to say about you and how you lived your life?
- If you only had a month to live, how would you spend your time? Once you write this out, take a look at why you aren’t spending your time on that now (if you’re not).
- Observe how/where you spend your time and money. Keep a diary of your time and look at your checkbook, credit card statements and all logs of time and money and you’ll quickly find your values (and some fears you are running from!!!!)
Once you are very clear on your personal values, now go create your vision, mission and goals! Happy 2012!
Please take a minute to share with me on my Facebook page what you see is possible for yourself by getting very clear on your personal values!
Or, leave a comment below. I would love to hear what's on your mind!!