Setting Clear Boundaries Helps Prevent Burnout In Dentistry

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A Significant Cause Of Frustration And Burnout In Dentistry

Lack of Clear Boundaries

by Allison Watts

 

One of the challenges I’ve had in my life and career is establishing and holding clear and firm boundaries.  I was not trained well in my childhood and teenage years when it comes to boundaries.  My boundaries were fuzzy both directions—I didn’t respect others boundaries and I let them violate mine.  

I am only qualified to write on this because I am constantly working on it.  Even though this information is something I “get”, doing it is sometimes challenging.  One reason is because some of these things are not conscious.  It is helpful to me, when something doesn’t feel good/right, to let my feelings come, allow myself to feel them and know that they matter (that may sound weird, but I have spent most of my life denying or avoiding feelings that don’t feel good!). Then to look at what the feelings are telling me, trust it and act on it when I’m clear what I need to do.

What are boundaries and what do they have to do with dentistry?  

Boundaries are limits regarding what is acceptable or will be tolerated in a relationship. Boundaries are very individual and require the person to know what they believe in and will allow.  They aren’t something we just “get”–they come from inside us and are an honest expression of who we are.  When we are brought up not trusting our own guidance or not valuing ourselves, poor boundaries are a result. Boundaries can’t be made visible to others if you’re not clear yourself.  

Boundaries require: self-love, self-awareness, honest communication (especially the hard stuff), and stepping into our power.   A lack of boundaries shows up in all relationships, including the dental practice.  In a dental practice, you may see boundary issues show up in the following ways:

1. Not taking care of yourself-not taking time to rest, revive, eat, and have fun (in and out of work).

2. Exhausted because of over-responsibility for others' happiness, etc. and over/under functioning

3. Team issues-not respecting their boundaries; expecting them to be over-committed to the practice; also blurry staff/friend lines.

4. Only establishing boundaries in anger, waiting until you‘re really mad to say something.  This stems partly from fear of abandonment and/or codependency issues (I can say this because I’ve got them!)—being afraid to say how you really feel because you are afraid people might leave, get emotional or sabotage the practice.  We are afraid saying no or setting limits will break or change the relationship in a way that we don’t want.

Personality traits and beliefs that can add to stress, boundary issues and burnout:

▪   Perfectionism or “nothing is good enough”

▪   Pessimistic view of the world and yourself

▪   Wanting or needing to be in control; difficulty delegating to and/or trusting others

▪    Type A, high-achiever

Some solutions to this are as follows:

  • Journal-journal about opportunities to set your own boundaries and opportunities to respect others.  Notice when you had a boundary you wanted to set, but were afraid.  What were you afraid of?  What communication skills could you use to make it easier?  Reflect on what you would say to whom if you weren’t afraid?  What boundary do you need to set and how will you do it.
  • Trust yourself and your intuition:  Even if you’re not sure, start trusting what you feel and see what happens…  value yourself, say what you mean and speak your truth.  No matter how we were raised, we can begin to understand limits better.  We can learn to love and appreciate ourselves.  We can see that when we’re okay with who we are, our limits are okay too.  We have to learn to stop putting others above ourselves and ask for what we need.  Be careful not to medicate or numb out feelings to tolerate things that don’t feel good…
  • Set Boundaries: Learn how to say “no” to requests on your time and energy. Remind yourself that saying “no” allows you to say “yes” to the things that you truly want to do.  To do this, you need to be clear about your values and the value of you and your time. Take a proactive approach to problems and issues in your home or workplace. You’ll feel less helpless if you assert yourself and express your needs. If you don’t have the authority or resources to solve the problem, talk to a superior.
     
  • Take a look at the role or identity that originally came with your job 

Update your job description and figure out where you’re expected or where you’ve been doing things that are not your responsibility and/or job description.

  • Take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually: make changes that support good eating, exercising, and sleeping habits.  Meditate or pray regularly, build in time for growth and fun.  When you take care of yourself, you are more likely to have the energy and resilience to deal with life’s demands.  It’s often hard to take care of ourselves and others at the same time.
  • Respect others boundaries: Are you able to let people tell you their boundaries without getting defensive or embarrassed?  If this is something you have a hard time with, take some time before you respond or try a response like, “Thank you for telling me your boundary. I will do my best to respect it.”

If we learn to know where are boundaries are and begin to establish them, we will find that it gets easier as we do it.  It’s scary and uncomfortable and you may even want to share with those close to you that you are working on boundaries and it may be awkward in the beginning as you do this. 

I also recommend highly the following books for help with this:  The New Codependency by Melody Beattie, Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, and Receiving Love by Harville Hendrix and Helen La Kelly Hunt.  I am sure there are many other books that would be helpful, but these are the ones I am aware of right off the top of my head–many of my books are packed up for moving!!! 

 

Best wishes for healthy boundary-setting!