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This time on the Practicing with the Masters <\/em>podcast, it’s my pleasure to welcome\u00a0Bill Gregg. Drawing upon\u00a030 years of private dental practice experience and his\u00a0extensive study of advanced leadership skills,\u00a0Bill offers simple and effective tools for leadership. His presentations are geared towards integrating\u00a0technical principles and treatment planning with understanding of patients’ emotional needs and wants, to help them grasp\u00a0the dental care you know you can provide.<\/p>\n Bill joins us today to teach his key principles of leadership that\u00a0will help you bring out the best in every employee, patient and person you meet. From learning why eye contact is so vital (but underutilized by most people under 40), to discovering\u00a0how to determine your patients\u2019 needs in all aspects of their lives, you do not want to miss this episode!<\/p>\n Welcome to Practicing with the Masters<\/em> for dentists with your host, Dr. Allison Watts. Allison believes that there are four pillars for a successful, fulfilling dental practice: clear leadership, sound business principles, well-developed communication skills, and clinical excellence. Allison enjoys helping dentists and teams excel in all of these areas. Each episode she brings you an inspiring conversation with another leading expert. If you desire to learn and grow and in the process take your practice to the next level, then this is the show for you. Now, here\u2019s your host, Dr. Allison Watts.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Welcome to Practicing with the Masters<\/em> podcast. I\u2019m your host, Allison Watts, and I\u2019m dedicated to bringing you masters in the field of dentistry, leadership, and practice management to help you have a more fulfilling and successful practice and life.<\/p>\n All right, Bill. Here we are. I\u2019m so excited to have you on here. I think I met you a of couple years ago in person for the first time at the Pankey meeting.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Right.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Then had the privilege of spending a couple of days with you in Houston. I can\u2019t even remember when that was. In July, right?<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 In July.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah. So I\u2019m excited to have you here. I did find that your explanation and\/or your tools for leadership were definitely simple and effective. So I\u2019m thrilled to have you sharing here. Hopefully we\u2019ll have some people listen to this that have never heard you before and have never heard some of these concepts before.<\/p>\n I\u2019ll go ahead and introduce you here even though I think most of the people on here already know you. Bill Gregg combines his 30 years of private practice with extensive study of leadership skills. His dental practice is a general practice with a focus on comprehensive dental care and TMD.<\/p>\n Presentations are geared toward integration of technical principles and treatment planning with understanding of patients\u2019 emotional needs and wants, to get them to understand the dental care you know you can provide. He gets most of his experience from his 20+ years of practicing principles taught at the Pankey Institute in Key Biscayne, Florida.<\/p>\n He also gets quite a bit of his experience from his wife, Allison\u2019s, 30+ years of organization development and training. But he also, I mean really, I think he said mostly from trying out all of this stuff on his kids.<\/p>\n [Laughter]<\/p>\n And probably his staff and his patients I\u2019m guessing. We have had several conversations and I do appreciate your knack for making what seems very difficult and complex much more simple.<\/p>\n You told me a little bit about what you were going to talk about tonight. You said there were two components of a leader. I don\u2019t know if you want to start there or if you have somewhere else you\u2019d rather start?<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 No, I think that\u2019s great. I think the key point is we are all leaders in many different forms, in many different ways, every single day of our life. At ADPA last year, I had a table clinic and most of the people were wives concerned about their kids. So wives are probably some of the most profound leaders we\u2019ve got. We are all leaders in every single day.<\/p>\n It\u2019s a little intimidating with Rich and Bud on because they\u2019ll both recognize that I’ve kind of blended a lot of what they share and hopefully we can keep it simple.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Absolutely. If you want, they can chime in. Sorry, Bill.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 They can chime in anytime. I\u2019m open for corrections and additions. As I’ve listened to some of the other people throughout the time, I got the sense that for somebody a little bit earlier on the path some of what was presented, since it was sort of additive and a little bit more in depth, could get confused that leadership is this big topic that\u2019s confusing and, \u201cOh my gosh, I\u2019ll never get it.\u201d<\/p>\n I was influenced through Rich with Parker Palmer where he talks about the more we learn, it\u2019s sometimes easy to forget the complexity of our own learning. In other words, where did we get started? We forget that what is now easy, or feels easy, once was not.<\/p>\n So when we think of leadership, in all the study I’ve done on it and all the books, there\u2019s one primary factor in all of them. That is that a leader sees other people better than perhaps they see themselves. They see more in another person than perhaps that person sees in themselves. Perhaps they believe more in that person than that person even sees in themselves. So the primary focus of being a leader is to see more in the other person.<\/p>\n As we move along, the question becomes, can you do that each and every interaction and each and every day? If you go to the grocery store, and I\u2019m sure many stores are the same and they have one of these differently-abled people bag your groceries, you can look them in the eye and say, \u201cThanks, you\u2019re doing a great job with that\u201d or \u201cyou\u2019re really good at it\u201d or \u201cyou\u2019re skilled at that.\u201d We can greet a dog and you get down on one knee and you put your hand underneath and stroke them. There\u2019s so many ways that we can interact in each and every day in each and every way.<\/p>\n I think it\u2019s an obligation of dentists to study leadership because leadership is the foundation of a relationship. Those dentists who want to have a relationship-based practice need to understand a few key, simple components if you will, and practice them each and every day. Just imagine with your staff, with your spouse, with your kids, in the post office, can you see every patient as begging you to see more in them than they came walking in seeing in themselves?<\/p>\n So that concept kind of keys in to self-image psychology as taught by Maxwell Maltz in Psycho-Cybernetics<\/em>. That is that nobody can perform outside of their own self-image. We all have an image of ourselves as a dentist, as a patient, as how we clean our teeth, on how strong our teeth are, on how we are as a child, how we are playing soccer or baseball, or as a parent, or a husband, or anything. We cannot perform outside of that self-image box.<\/p>\n So our role as a leader is to see more in the person and expand their own self-image box. Which leads us to the second key component in leadership, that to change another person\u2019s self-image, one must understand that all actions, behaviors, decisions, are based in the emotional realm.<\/p>\n So influence becomes a deep heartfelt connection with another. A trust-based relationship, but it\u2019s an emotional engagement. That gets back into that statement for others, that \u201cGosh, you’re the best at that. How does it feel to be so good at that?\u201d Those are the two real key, simple components of a leader that if they can stay focused on constantly day in and day out with every single interaction.<\/p>\n That brings me to the next key thing for leadership and that is an intention and an attention. The intention to greet everybody, to love everybody, and the attention to do that on an ongoing basis. Because we all get distracted. So that\u2019s kind of the key components. You just see more in everybody and somehow you find a way to touch their heart. Does that make sense so far?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes. I liked what you just said about touch their heart because I was wanting a little bit more about the piece about the emotional, getting into the trust-based relationship. Because I could see myself doing, I could see myself in the behavior of actually seeing more in them and being intentional about that, but I couldn\u2019t quite put my finger on what you were saying about the how to do the emotional part.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That makes sense when you say touch their heart.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay. So we can touch people\u2019s hearts relatively quickly if we understand a few key skills. The first skill I\u2019ll relate, or the first concept within a skill comes from Ron Willingham in Integrity Service<\/em>. That is that every person you meet in any interaction, every patient you meet, every time they’re in, they come in with three levels of needs.<\/p>\n The first level is their chief concern. So it doesn\u2019t matter if it\u2019s a child, a patient, a staff member, what they present to you is their chief concern. That is in fact their logical thought out what they’re going to tell you. It\u2019s their truth. But just below their logical thought process is frequently a hidden emotion.<\/p>\n That hidden emotion can be embarrassment, it can be skepticism, it can be fear, it can be shame, there\u2019s a lot of emotions. But if you understand that when you’re first interacting with the people, they’re coming from their logic but there\u2019s an emotional component behind that, then you can begin to pay attention to the emotional component.<\/p>\n The third level is again, this leadership concept. Every person is screaming, \u201cPlease value me. Accept me unconditionally. Forgive me for my sins. Give me hope. Give me possibilities. Can you see more in me than I see in myself?\u201d I honestly believe our kids, our patients, all come in with one of those three levels of concerns. So if you keep those thoughts in mind, you’re listening for the emotion behind their statement. Does that help?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes. You said everybody comes in with one of those but are you saying everybody actually comes in with all three?<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Everybody comes in with all three.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay, that\u2019s what I was thinking. Okay, yes, that does help. So you’re saying when you are intentionally wanting to touch their heart, you can touch these needs, these emotional places in them.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well that is the attention part. In other words, you have to have the intention, you have to know that those people have those levels, then you have to pay attention when you’re interviewing or when you\u2019re interacting with a child or your staff member or spouse or anything.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay, great. All right, yes. That\u2019s clear to me.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s what you’re paying attention to\u2014now the actual skill, it first off is eye contact. Eye contact is a skill that we\u2019re all losing. In fact, I was just reading an article where they’re saying that especially with people under the age of 40, eye contact has gone down to under 50 percent.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Wow.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 One needs eye contact ideally in the 70 percent range, over 70 percent and it can get creepy. But the point\u2026<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ve experienced that before.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Exactly. You can touch people\u2019s heart almost immediately if you look at them in the right eyeball. It\u2019s an honest, heartfelt connection. For those of us who have been studying this a long time, we\u2019ll remember a book called Contact: the First Four Minutes <\/em>where it said that how you gain trust, and it occurs in the first four minutes of any contact.<\/p>\n Then we got Malcom Gladwell come along in Blink<\/em> and said well that\u2019s partially true, it\u2019s just three minutes and 56 seconds too long. You get four seconds. People make intuitive judgments almost immediately. If you want to connect with somebody immediately, you have open, welcoming body language and you engage them in their right eyeball immediately. Not staring at them, just a glance and then come back to it.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This might be a silly question but I\u2019m curious, why the right eyeball?<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m so glad you asked. My experience is if I don\u2019t tell people the right eyeball, they’re bouncing back and forth not knowing where to look.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh, okay.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That can look sleazy also. And you don\u2019t want to look at the bridge of the nose because then you’re looking at the person cross-eyed.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay, so you just picked it.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Basically I just picked it. But again, if you think of an emotional connection, which eyeball gets you to the emotional side of the brain quickest, left or right?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s what I was wondering, if that was why.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 There you go.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But then I thought there was some kind of crossover that happened around an eye so that I got\u2026<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s when looking at the bridge of their nose, I always get crossover.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [Laughs]<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 To answer your real question, it doesn\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Just glance at one eye or the other. So the last thing I\u2019m going to give you is some skills when we are in fact in front of a new person. I call that to being a world-class listener.<\/p>\n The first thing you need to do is have the intent of offering your empty presence. An empty presence is one without judgment, without correction, without thinking, \u201cOh, as soon as I get a chance, I\u2019m going to tell them this\u201d or \u201cgosh, I have to correct how they brush their teeth\u201d or \u201cI have to tell them how to floss.\u201d See so frequently, we want to jump ahead to correction instead of just listening with our empty presence.<\/p>\n So if you can picture just sitting knee to knee, eyeball to eyeball, looking at a person, open, welcoming, ask them to explain a situation and then just an empty presence. Listen for the love, listen for what\u2019s going on in their heart. The key thing on this is once the person is finished stating something, count to ten. Most people when they’re speaking are kind of explaining it to themselves. So right afterwards, they’re sorting of arguing to see if they said it right. So if you jump in with a correction, you disrupt that learning process. Now ask me why I say count to ten.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [Laughs] Well I\u2019m guessing it\u2019s because it\u2019s really hard to count to 20. I think counting to ten is hard.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well that, but I will tell you from a lot of experience we do this [counting very quickly] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10\u2026 \u201cNow let me tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n [Laughter]<\/p>\n So ten sounds like a very long time, and in fact if you count to ten, you\u2019ll probably get four or five seconds. Then the third step is to listen for what\u2019s going on, for their intuition, for their emotions, for their feelings, for their fears. It is a skill.<\/p>\n I like to share that when I was teaching tennis I would give a couple of lessons and the mother would say, \u201cSo when is he going to be able to play a game?\u201d And I said, \u201cWell how much is he going to practice?\u201d They look at me like I\u2019m from Mars.<\/p>\n I can teach the skills for tennis but I can\u2019t get you ready to play a tournament. That takes a lot of practice. It\u2019s the same thing with this. It takes a lot of practice. That you get better and better at. But that\u2019s where we come back to the key things. It\u2019s an intention to get better and paying attention as you go about it.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Make sense? Any questions?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Not from me, no. You\u2019ve given us one, two, three so far.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well the fourth thing in the world-class listener is once they explain whatever it is, ask for permission to go forward. Ask for permission to take a next step. Ask for permission. Do they want your advice or do they just want you to listen? That kind of depends on the situation. So I’ve got a few situations we can go through for some practice.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That would be great.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So we have a 25-year-old who hasn\u2019t been to the dentist in many, many years. He happens to be dating a hygienist and he\u2019s coming in only at her urging. So, what would his chief concern be?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cShe made me come.\u201d<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cShe made me come.\u201d It\u2019s about as simple as that. Do you think he might have a little bit of a chip on his shoulder? Do you think he might have a little bit of show me? Do you think that might be a hidden fear?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Definitely.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay, what else could be a hidden fear? His chief concern is \u201cI\u2019m just here.\u201d<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah, well I think he has a reason why he doesn\u2019t want to be here. I mean, potentially, there could be a reason why he didn\u2019t want to come in.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Absolutely true. What would your guess be? What might some of those things be? First off, is it a love or a fear?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Fear.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s a fear. So what kind of fear concepts might there be?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I was thinking, first thing, something about the fear of the dentist.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Everybody jumps to that so I\u2019m really glad you did. What\u2019s the number one fear people have, not counting a dentist, just the number one fear?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rejection or judgment.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Most people say public speaking.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay, well, that\u2019s because of judgment I would think.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Exactly. And in studies, most people will write their number one fear is public speaking. But in fact, what people are afraid of is not being in control of a situation.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So when people say they’re afraid of pain or they’re afraid of the dentist, what they’re really saying most of the time is they’re afraid of not being in control of the situation.<\/p>\n Have you ever asked patients who say they’re afraid of pain, \u201cCan you share with me your first time remembering that or why you said that?\u201d Have you asked that?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I don\u2019t ask them in that exact way but I usually say, \u201cWhat pain, related to what?\u201d<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Right.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You know, there\u2019s lots of different experiences of pain.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Right. And I usually ask them the first time they can remember experiencing that, feeling that way. Almost always it\u2019s because a dentist drilled and said, \u201cOh, just put up with it. I\u2019m almost finished.\u201d Or he said, \u201cWell don\u2019t be a baby.\u201d Or, \u201cI can\u2019t numb you anymore.\u201d Or, something. In other words, it wasn\u2019t the pain itself, it\u2019s that it was discounted.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes. I agree, that\u2019s been my\u2026<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So, correct. So this 25-year-old might have that, correct? Okay, what else might he have?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Fear of something being found.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Fear of something being found. Everybody has that. Exactly, that\u2019s another fear of the unknown.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Or something wrong with me.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Right. Now he\u2019s dating a hygienist, what else might he be afraid of?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s she\u2019s not going to like him if he doesn\u2019t go.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well that he\u2019s less than.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh, yeah, okay.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He might be ashamed, he might feel guilty, he might be embarrassed.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 True.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So now he comes in, so we know his chief concern. We know something intuitively about his fear or hesitation. So how do we address that?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I usually would ask\u2026<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s a third level concern.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You would address it as a third level concern?<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Absolutely. Once I have a sense of those things, I want to give a hope. I want to give a possibility. In other words, I might say, \u201cYou know something, just from sitting here, I look at you and I think you have a great possibility of having a healthy mouth.\u201d So I gave him a hope statement, a possibility statement, because I was trying to increase his self-esteem. Because he\u2019s feeling less than. So I\u2019m going to see if I can\u2019t make him feel more than.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Absolutely. And you can assume that everybody feels less than in some\u2014even if they don\u2019t, it\u2019s still going to make them feel good. It\u2019s going to increase their self-esteem.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Exactly. Now you remember during the program I gave everybody an exercise to list all the potential fears, emotions, and we kind of went around and shared all of those?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 My point is that we all know that those things are going on with people. We just don\u2019t pay attention to their heart.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Right, true.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So we kind of gloss over it. But we know everybody has a sense of shame, guilt, embarrassment. They have a fear of being scolded, chastised. So in fact, my third level concerns, my hope statements, my possibilities, are pretty much canned statements. Because I know they’re fairly similar for everybody. Does that make sense?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Mm-hmm.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m just saying, \u201cGosh, you know, with your permission I’d like to take a look and see what kind of possibilities I can come up for you.\u201d<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We have a question, Bill. You want to address it now or do you want to stop for just a second?<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sure.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay. I\u2019m going to unmute you, Lisa. Okay, Lisa, you\u2019re unmuted.<\/p>\n Lisa:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hi, thanks for taking my question. When you were talking about sharing possibilities and how that is what gives the person\u2014I\u2019m trying to think\u2014but you make them feel better about, make them feel more than? I guess I just want to hear more about how that contributes to the more than.<\/p>\n My concern is that sometimes I feel like if I\u2019m sharing hopes and possibilities, maybe I\u2019m sharing it in the wrong way or too soon, that that person feels like there\u2019s something wrong with them where they are and that they have to be somewhere else.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I see it more as expanding a balloon or their realm of the possible. I guess it would be a matter of if you really listened with an empty presence and then you allowed them the time to think about it, I’ve never had that feeling. I’ve never had that feedback that if I said, \u201cGosh, is it all right with you if I study some possibilities?\u201d I\u2019ve never had the sense I\u2019m giving false hope or that it\u2019s a judgment. I\u2019m just asking permission to look at things.<\/p>\n Lisa:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay. The key that I hear you saying is the asking permission. So it sounds like the process of this is just as important as what we\u2019re doing or is the key to what we\u2019re doing, because if they don\u2019t follow with that process then when you get to point of, \u201cLet\u2019s explore some possibilities,\u201d then it can be seen not as sincere or not for them.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well I think that\u2019s true. That depends on whether you’re using a tell statement or an ask statement. Because when I get to that\u2026<\/p>\n L:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh, tell statements are my favorite.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh, you’re good at tell statements. You must be dentist. [Laughs]<\/p>\n All of us dentists want to tell and correct but I think if you stay within questioning and ask for permission, \u201cIs it all right with you? Is this a good time for us? With your permission, I’d like to take a look.\u201d You know, any of those things. Is that helpful at all, Lisa?<\/p>\n Lisa:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes, very, thank you. It\u2019s definitely paying more attention to the process and the asking permission. You mentioned earlier about asking them if it\u2019s okay if we can move forward now. I think that I really need to pay attention to that step.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Correct. So let me give you my next example that might answer it better it for you. My next example, I\u2019m going to skip over the kid one even though I heard kids in the background. A 48-year-old lady called the office wanting a cleaning. The office staff did a great job, talked her into coming in for a thorough get-acquainted examine prior to the cleaning.<\/p>\n She sat down and I just started asking the typical get-acquainted questions, \u201cWhat can I do for you?\u201d and without hesitation she looked at me and shot out, \u201cI\u2019m not getting braces and I\u2019m not getting my gums cut.\u201d So what\u2019s her first level concern?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking it has something to do with her smile. Or are you talking about\u2014I\u2019m thinking she\u2019s concerned at some point with her smile and then some dentist told her she needed braces or her gums cut to fix it.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay. Is that a first level concern or a second level concern? So you\u2019re guessing that maybe she needed this and maybe she needed that. That\u2019s a second level concern.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah, I don\u2019t know what her first level\u2014I mean, her first level concern. I mean, I don’t know. She doesn\u2019t want her gums cut and she doesn\u2019t want\u2026<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 There you go. She elevates her emotion to, \u201cI\u2019m not getting braces. I\u2019m not getting my gums cut.\u201d Is there any logic in that? It\u2019s all emotion.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Right.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So she skipped the chief concern, straight to the emotion.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh, okay, got ya.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What was her chief concern when she called the office?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cleaning.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cleaning. The office staff did a\u2014so now do you think she has some anger?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay. She didn\u2019t get what she wanted.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Because they talked her into something different. Right.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And every dentist in the past has told her she needs to get braces and she needs to get her gums cut. So when somebody\u2019s in that level of emotion, can I talk to her? Can you talk somebody down?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 No.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Not very well. So in this situation because she had so much emotion, I kind of stayed within the emotion and I just asked, \u201cOkay, great, is there anything else you’re concerned about that you don\u2019t want me to do?\u201d She looked at me and she said, \u201cWell I\u2019m not getting x-rays.\u201d I said, \u201cOkay, fine.\u201d Is there anything else? It was just kind of dead silence. Guess what? That\u2019s kind of the end of the interview. Right?<\/p>\n So I asked for permission, \u201cIs it all right if we take a look at your teeth and I\u2019ll just get kind of a general idea and then I\u2019ll sit down, and with your permission, we\u2019ll take a look at some possibilities?\u201d So, we did an exam. Now this is one where it was kind of sort of a co-discovery exam but it was a lot of fact-finding exam. In other words, I just called off a bunch of perio-probing numbers and teeth and missing teeth. It was basically just fact finding.<\/p>\n I popped her up and I said, \u201cThank you very much. With your permission, I\u2019d like to really take a look at this and study the options given the fact that you\u2019ve told me you don\u2019t want braces and you don\u2019t want any surgery. Is that okay with you?\u201d She was fine with it. So did that sequence make sense?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes. So you didn\u2019t even try to co-collaborate with her during the exam?<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 No, I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Because you’re just trying to let her know that you respect her boundaries.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 To some degree, I\u2019m staying with the empty presence. I\u2019m just listening. But then, with that much emotion, I didn\u2019t even count to ten. I just kind of stopped. She needed to process what she said. Okay?<\/p>\n So I don\u2019t know, Lisa, if that\u2019s comfortable for you but it is kind of a dance. Now the reason I like sharing her is she came back for the consult, sat down, and I asked her did she have any questions, did she learn anything, is there anything from the last visit left over for her? She looked at me right between the eyes and said, \u201cI guess I need braces, don\u2019t I?\u201d Now who talked her into the braces?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well she did.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 She did.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So as we talked to her, she said I was the first person who didn\u2019t come at her and tell her what she needed.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah, she just wanted to feel like she had some control.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So once she had the space. So now here\u2019s the kicker with her. Let\u2019s think about this just real briefly. She doesn\u2019t want braces. She doesn\u2019t want her gums cut. She refuses x-rays. What would you guess that\u2019s going on? What type of dental patient would have those three conditions?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well\u2026<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A gagger.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So now you see, she didn\u2019t have quite the same emotion, so I was able to talk to her and I was able to ask, \u201cWell, what\u2019s your concern about braces?\u201d She said, \u201cI\u2019m a gagger. I can\u2019t stand the impressions.\u201d So I said, \u201cIf we can get impressions without gagging, then you’re okay with braces?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay. Fine. Well share with me about getting surgery for your teeth.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI just can\u2019t even stand the thought of blood in my mouth.\u201d<\/p>\n Her whole emotional control thing was around gagging. So by giving her the space and by asking permission to study possibilities and giving her some time to think through it on her own, she became her own doctor.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Awesome.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So now let me give you one more quick example. This is my next favorite one because I did all this on my kids.<\/p>\n My son comes home and the first thing he says is, \u201cI hate Mrs. Jones,\u201d his teacher. \u201cI hate Mrs. Jones.\u201d As a parent, what do you want to say?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhy? What happened?\u201d I don’t know, I have said to him before, \u201cOh, don\u2019t say that.\u201d<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Exactly. As a parent, we want to say, \u201cNo, don\u2019t say that. We don\u2019t hate in our families. Mrs. Jones is a\u2026\u201d We want to correct. So if you stay within an open presence, an empty presence, then you can say, \u201cOh my goodness, it sounds like\u2026\u201d what emotion? I hate Mrs. Jones.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes, anger, upset.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What\u2019s the emotion, anger? Upset? Frustration? You can restate any of those emotions. \u201cOh my gosh, it sounds like you’re really angry with Mrs. Jones. Oh my goodness, you sound so frustrated with Mrs. Jones.\u201d<\/p>\n So now he recognizes that you recognize an emotion. And you can say, well now you get to your permission thing, \u201cGosh, you know, would you like to share what went on? Do you want my permission to talk about it? Shall we talk about it? Would you like to share what\u2019s going on?\u201d So that\u2019s the permission statement.<\/p>\n Now, when this happened, he said, \u201cWell, she\u2019s just so mean.\u201d I said, \u201cOh my goodness, so she was mean to you? Can you tell me a little bit more about that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, all I did was pull Susie\u2019s hair.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, okay. So there must have been something causing you to pull Susie\u2019s hair.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, she turned around and stuck her tongue out at me and said I was stupid.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo the teacher, Mrs. Jones, caught you pulling her hair?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo wonder you\u2019re so angry. Can you think of a better way to handle that next time or a different way or a way to get a different result?\u201d<\/p>\n So it\u2019s a similar step, a similar concept, you stay in empty presence. You try to avoid judgment. You meet them where their emotion is. You count to ten. You ask for permission to explore a little bit further and usually they end up talking themselves into whatever it is they knew.<\/p>\n Now they do need guidance but does it make sense within the total concept that what we\u2019re really trying to do is see more in the other person than they see in themselves? Was I capable of seeing more in that 25-year-old than he saw in himself? Was I capable of seeing a better-controlled future of that 48-year-old who didn\u2019t want braces and her gums cut? And was I able to encourage the 9-year-old to see more in himself to control his own reactions?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Definitely.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So the way we touch other people\u2019s hearts immediately as a leader is to look them in an eye with an opening, welcoming body language and just listen with an empty presence. Now in the grocery store line, in the post office store line, you might just say, \u201cGosh, you look great today.\u201d Or, \u201cYou handled that really quickly for me today, thank you.\u201d And it is indeed amazing. Any other questions? Anybody have their own example they\u2019d like to review?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I love what you’re saying, besides the fact that you\u2019re\u2014like the obvious compliment in the grocery store where you’re making them feel better because you’re appreciating what they did or who they are or what they did. But you are honoring them and you’re reflecting back to them that you see them and that they have the ability to handle it. I don’t know, there\u2019s something in those steps that I can feel that you’re just reflecting back.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well that\u2019s very much so. Bud has said, \u201cYou can reflect back love or anger.\u201d<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Why not choose love?<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So in every step of the way you’re in that nonjudgmental, yeah, that\u2019s beautiful.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I call it an empty presence. I like for me personally that visualization because it means I\u2019m just empty. I\u2019m like a vessel. Just go ahead and fill me up with whatever you\u2019ve got.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So how did you go from, I\u2019m just assuming and this is not, I mean I don\u2019t think assuming is a good thing, but were you ever a \u201cfix-it guy?\u201d Like were you a, first of all you’re a man and you’re also a dentist, so you\u2019ve got double whammy there. [Laughs]<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Wow. That\u2019s what I tell everybody, you know. I so value my wife because I\u2019m male and I\u2019m a dentist so, double whammy. So absolutely true.<\/p>\n That\u2019s what we were talking about earlier, that in the early stages this stuff all seems kind of voodoo-ish, just sort of. So that\u2019s what I try to share just the simple steps. The simplicity of it is first you just have to have the intention of greeting everybody with love. Then you have to pay attention in each and every interaction to make sure you do.<\/p>\n I\u2019m like everybody else. I get distracted. I go to the store, I throw some money on the counter and walk out. But then a little bit later I go, \u201cGosh, that wasn\u2019t so loving of me. I guess I\u2019d better do that differently.\u201d I’ve gone back and tipped a person after the fact and just said, \u201cYou know, I don\u2019t think I handled that well.\u201d It\u2019s amazing, people don\u2019t expect that.<\/p>\n As we\u2019re moving forward, when we talk about this with respect to dentistry. If you think about a clinic dental office, where people are processed. These skills will set you apart so fast that it just makes your head spin. When I walk around the professional building, I try to greet everybody with a smile and an open, welcoming \u201cHi, how are you?\u201d<\/p>\n It\u2019s amazing how many people find out you\u2019re a dentist and come up. It\u2019s amazing the number of people who don\u2019t want to be processed at a dental mill. But we need to be good leaders and know how to touch their heart.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Right. Outside of just the practice. That\u2019s what you’re saying. In every aspect of our lives. Which is funny because I just spent this weekend with Rich and he talked about how he sees a lot of dentists, I think he\u2019s saying even specifically more nowadays that we really tend to compartmentalize our lives and so we\u2019re practicing leadership in one area. So maybe let\u2019s say I\u2019m trying to become a better leader at my practice, but we don\u2019t spread it out over every area of our lives.<\/p>\n Bill: \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 My point is that it\u2019s easy. Every day, in every way, you’re a leader. Well, that\u2019s the simple part. It\u2019s not easy because you have to have the intention to do it and pay attention as you’re doing it, as you go through your day.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Right, with all the busyness and the old habits and so forth.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Right. I remember very early in my process going through mission statement development and visiting with Bud Hamm around that. He was sharing one of the dentists that he was working with who, because staff come and go, and come and go. You redo a mission statement. You redo a mission statement. You want to involve everybody in developing a mission statement. Finally, Bud said this one dentist just looked around and said, \u201cYou know, nobody else is here. I am the mission.\u201d<\/p>\n So for me, I am the mission. I am the leader. I can\u2019t be a leader at the office and then go be a jerk at restaurant. That\u2019s not authentic. So it’s just an everyday practice.<\/p>\n I\u2019ll leave you with this story. This is the one that touches my heart. I graduated dental school. My grandfather was a small town country doctor. I said to him, \u201cPappy, you know something. You have seen some amazing things in your medical practice life. The development of x-rays, antibiotics,\u201d and at that point in time they were just getting the computerized blood testing.<\/p>\n I said, \u201cYou\u2019ve just seen some amazing things. You must just be so excited to be practicing medicine today.\u201d He looked at me and he said, \u201cYou know something, Billy? When I first came out all we could do was listen. Really listen to people. If you listen hard enough, they\u2019re going to tell you exactly what they’re feeling and what\u2019s wrong with them. Now we couldn\u2019t do much about it but we could support them. We could empathize with them. We could help them through some tough times.<\/p>\n \u201cThen we started to get all these x-rays and antibiotics and we just started writing prescriptions. We got the blood tests and we stopped listening to people. We weren\u2019t right as often. Even when we were right, we couldn\u2019t support them. We couldn\u2019t encourage them. We couldn\u2019t walk a mile in their steps.\u201d<\/p>\n So that\u2019s my mission right now. That\u2019s what I\u2019m encouraging people. Find that heartfelt listening again. Don\u2019t be the most digitally-wise dentist. Don\u2019t be the tech-a-roo. Listen with an open presence. Let them finish their story. Listen for their heart. A little bit of practice, it\u2019s not that hard. Pretty simple.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah, it is.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Just not very easy.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Right.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s a skill we have to grow in.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Thank you. Does anybody have any questions or anything for Bill? Or comments?<\/p>\n Barry, okay, there you go.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You can mute, Barry. I don\u2019t have anything to say to Barry.<\/p>\n [Laughter]<\/p>\n Barry:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That was a great presentation and it left a lot of food for thought. I had a lot of images that came through my mind from Maslow to Dan Kahneman.<\/p>\n One of the things that hit me is I\u2019m presenting next week at the Institute. One of the questions I\u2019m going to be asking the small audience that\u2019s going to be there on leadership is that if what you said is true, and I believe every word that you have said is true, then why is there such an emphasis, even more so today than ever before on teaching dentists the hard skills? Even practice management today is taught with a hard edge to it.<\/p>\n What you’re speaking of tonight, Bill, is so uncommon in dentistry. I mean we hear this at the Institute but we don\u2019t hear it anywhere else in dentistry, even from practice management people. Even from people who are coaching us. Why is that? Is it cultural? Is it the times? What is that?<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 My opinion? All of us dentists got through dental school, \u201cJust give us the right answers. I\u2019ll get an A and leave me alone. So just give me the right answers.\u201d<\/p>\n That\u2019s what we grew up in. The learning steps of what I described, especially the initial learning is very hard. It\u2019s easier to crawl back into our technical shell. When I share this concept I actually have three circles: resiliency, leadership, and technical. Way too many people think if they don\u2019t have success, they need to increase the technical. It gets so off balance that it\u2019s like driving around on a flat tire. Success is the balance of leadership, resiliency, and technical.<\/p>\n That\u2019s what we learned of course from the cross of dentistry. We could have a whole hour just on the cross of dentistry. My belief is Dr. Pankey put \u201capply your knowledge,\u201d apply is a verb. It\u2019s encouragement to take action. Then if you understand that the components under \u201cknow your work\u201d are psychological, ability to communicate, and technical. That\u2019s kind of what he was saying. Technical is maybe 30 percent, if that.<\/p>\n So it\u2019s just so easy to fall back into technical. Now, it\u2019s the stages of learning. You go from an unconscious incompetence, you don\u2019t know what you don\u2019t know. If you don\u2019t know what you don\u2019t know, you can\u2019t know what you don\u2019t know. So you just don\u2019t know it. The next step is when you\u2019re conscious incompetent. Now you know what you don\u2019t know. That is the most uncomfortable stage of learning. It\u2019s just so much easier to fall back into being an unconscious incompetent.<\/p>\n But with enough practice, you become a conscious competent then an unconscious competent. My belief is not very many dentists want to go through that personal introspection, that personal understanding of all of life is love and fear. The faster you can deal with love, the more those things can accept some of the behavioral aspects. That\u2019s the best I got.<\/p>\n Barry:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So, I know you read my book and I know that in my book I speak about the concept of practicing these soft skills.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes.<\/p>\n Barry:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I cite Carol Dweck at Stanford who talks about the growth mindset versus the fixed mindset. I find a lot of dentists when it comes to the soft skills, they think that their skills are fixed and they can\u2019t learn those thing. Dweck argues that anything is learnable and anything can be practiced.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Exactly.<\/p>\n Barry:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah, that\u2019s what you’re saying. We\u2019re on the same page here.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Exactly.<\/p>\n Barry:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I see it so often. Language is also important. You say everything is love and fear. So I hope next week I\u2019m going to be presenting and I hope I don\u2019t repeat myself twice but I always cite Machiavelli when you talk about love and fear. 500 years ago Machiavelli posed a question, is it better to be loved or feared? His answer was to be feared.<\/p>\n Science now is telling us that \u201cOld Machilo\u201d was wrong. It might be okay in war and sports, but when you require the cooperation of others, the answer is to be loved. That\u2019s the essence of leadership, especially for a dentist. What I say, what I\u2019ve turned that into is a little phrase that I use, \u201cConnect. Then lead.\u201d<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Connect, yep.<\/p>\n Barry:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Then lead.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Right.<\/p>\n Barry:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That comes first. You see? So we always find ourselves with our testosterone. You make fun of the male and dentist thing but it really it\u2019s hormonal at some degree. Dentists and men do have some estrogen but we don\u2019t access it much.<\/p>\n [Laughter]<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The other thing, dental schools are fabulous at increasing the testosterone levels of dental students. In other words, they come out thinking they need to behave this way. A lot of what I do is I go around and talk to women and, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you use your God-given talents?\u201d<\/p>\n [Allison and Bill speaking at the same time]<\/p>\n You should smoke us.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Actually, that\u2019s why I said that, Barry, because I don’t know if Bill\u2019s heard me say this but my husband told me for years that I was a man in a woman\u2019s body. So I’ve got the \u201cfix it\u201d gene too even though I\u2019m a female. I\u2019m much more of a fixer than I am a relater. I find the technical much easier. It\u2019s a place where I can go and I kind of have a lot of control. It\u2019s just easier for me than having another person that makes things complicated.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe that will give Rich some fodder for when he comes on later. He can share some thoughts around why he thinks it\u2019s so hard to get dentists to even think about studying this stuff.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah, that\u2019s what Bud was saying when we got on the phone, Barry. He was saying that his hardest job is to help people see that it doesn\u2019t have to be that hard. That it\u2019s possible for it to be easier but they’re just not looking for the soft skills as much for some reason. I agree, I think it\u2019s\u2026<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I think it\u2019s a societal thing too though.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A societal thing?<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I just think we\u2019re just so enamored with technology and if you have a question you can Google it. Like I said, the eye contact has dropped down to below 50 percent. We trust our tests so we don\u2019t listen to people\u2019s hearts anymore. But I think that the people who take the time to learn those things will absolutely thrive in the future. I can\u2019t cure the world but I can help some well-intentioned dentists begin to relate with patients better and really grow their own world. That\u2019s all I can do.<\/p>\n Barry:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I think it\u2019s a great mission. I think we need more dentists like you to go out and spread that word because to be honest with you, lately I’ve been thinking about the fact that I think this is how the medical profession lost medicine.<\/p>\n I hate to say this, I think this is how dentists are losing dentistry right now. I think the trend in America today anyway, especially with the onslaught of insurance and corporate dentistry is that they are going to be taking away the responsibility of the dentist to even be responsible for these skills. Just hand them over to auxiliaries.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ll just quote Dr. Pankey, \u201cYou might as well be a 100 percenter, there\u2019s so much less competition at the top.\u201d<\/p>\n Barry:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I agree.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s going to be so true two, three, four years from now.<\/p>\n Barry:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s getting truer.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s getting truer.<\/p>\n Barry:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s getting truer.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Barry, I have another hand raised. Are you\u2026<\/p>\n Barry:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Go ahead, yeah, yeah.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay.<\/p>\n Barry:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 No, we\u2019re good. Go ahead.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 All right, Rich.<\/p>\n Rich:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay. I guess the only thing I would say to this\u2014I mean this is a wonderful conversation. I\u2019m not so worried I guess about the why anymore. I\u2019m more concerned that we invite because there\u2019s all kinds of reasons why.<\/p>\n We can think in our own head all kinds of reasons to why. Why do people hide? I\u2019m not so sure that we can fix that. So I\u2019m less inclined today to even ask that question. I\u2019m more inclined to ask a question that would invite people to look at something another way.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rich is just explaining to me why I still have a whole lot more to learn because if you\u2019ll notice, I got off into telling people why they should learn and Rich wants to invite them. So I\u2019ve got a long ways to go.<\/p>\n Rich:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What you can learn to do is to invite them and let them go to the level that they want. Even at that level, have them see your heart. Then call them or help them, encourage them, whatever, to take some little bit of action. Like we were talking about this weekend with a group that Allison was in, is that the learning really comes from the action, not from the explaining.<\/p>\n Your learning\u2014your examples that you gave around your learning came from doing something with an intention. So even the way we design learning can be intentional. Barry, to design learning that has a, call it the soft skills or the behavioral skill or all those kinds of things, to me, that\u2019s just a part of life.<\/p>\n That was part of our conversation this weekend also is that there\u2019s a way in which\u2014because some of the questions that I asked the group early before they even came. Some of their answers were things like, \u201cI work so hard on the behavioral with a patient but I just don\u2019t have any of that left in me for team or for family when I get home.\u201d<\/p>\n It caused me to just sort of smile and say okay, we have some practice to do here so that they realize that that too is an invitation. An invitation to use those skills throughout their life as opposed to saying, \u201cIt\u2019s all about getting the patient to say yes.\u201d If there\u2019s one title that I hate to hear around somebody speaking is, \u201cHow to get your patient to say yes.\u201d Because to me, that\u2019s just the beginning. It\u2019s like I’d much prefer the word connection, Barry, as opposed to yes, you know?<\/p>\n So anyway. I\u2019m asking the question more of, so what is it that I can do intentionally on a regular basis to impact the way I connect or the way I help others begin to see life differently as opposed to just this bent on technical? Don\u2019t mishear me. I\u2019m all for technical excellence. But it is a dry hole behaviorally. It\u2019s a dry hole in life if that\u2019s all there is.<\/p>\n When Harold Wirth says something like, \u201cWhen I feel full of vim, vigor, vitality, a sense of well-being, youth, health, and I feel very very very prosperous.\u201d He wasn\u2019t talking about technical excellence. He wasn\u2019t talking even about money. He was talking about prosperity of relationships. So when all is said and done, that\u2019s about all we have left over. Anyway, I\u2019ll get off. But thank you, Bill, for being…<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, thank Allison. Allison is the brainchild behind all this.<\/p>\n Rich:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And Allison, for asking the questions and spending a weekend with me.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh, I enjoyed it thoroughly, Rich, thank you. It was great.<\/p>\n Bill:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So thank you to everybody. I\u2019ll be happy to hang around if anybody has any specific questions. And thank you very much, Allison.<\/p>\n Allison:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Absolutely, thank you, Bill. It\u2019s been a pleasure. It\u2019s been fun.<\/p>\n Thanks for listening to Practicing with the Masters<\/em> for dentists, with your host, Dr. Allison Watts. For more about how Allison Watts and Transformational Practices can help you create a successful and fulfilling practice and life, visit transformationalpractices.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/div> <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This time on the Practicing with the Masters podcast, it’s my pleasure to welcome\u00a0Bill Gregg. Drawing upon\u00a030 years of private dental practice experience and his\u00a0extensive study of advanced leadership skills,\u00a0Bill offers simple and effective tools for leadership. His presentations are geared towards integrating\u00a0technical principles and treatment planning with understanding of patients’ emotional needs and wants, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[303],"tags":[309,305,304,307],"yoast_head":"\nWhat You’ll Learn From This Episode:<\/h3>\n
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Listen To The Full Interview:<\/h3>\n\n
Featured On The Show:<\/h3>\n
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Full Episode Transcript:<\/h3>\n
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<\/a><\/p>\nEstablishing the Connection to Lead to Success with Bill Gregg<\/h3>\n
CLICK HERE TO READ THE TRANSCRIPT (8,232 WORDS )<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n
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