{"id":155,"date":"2011-12-18T12:13:07","date_gmt":"2011-12-18T18:13:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/allisonwatts.com\/blog\/?p=155"},"modified":"2020-12-24T16:01:34","modified_gmt":"2020-12-24T22:01:34","slug":"beliefs-kill-beliefs-empower","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allisonwatts.com\/beliefs-kill-beliefs-empower\/","title":{"rendered":"Beliefs That Kill, Beliefs That Empower"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Beliefs That Kill, Beliefs That Empower
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by Allison Watts
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Beliefs can kill.  They can kill our confidence, our passion, our dreams, our relationships, our joy and literally, they can kill us, slowly or quickly…. When I say beliefs kill, mostly I’m talking about our beliefs about ourselves and those about the world.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

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I don’t matter, mistakes are not ok, there's something wrong with me, I'm not ok, I'm not good enough, I'm bad, I’m not lovable, I’m not worthy, I don’t deserve it, I'm not…., I’m a loser, it’s hopeless, things will never change, no one understands, I feel so alone, no one cares, I’m ugly, no one gets me. The world sucks, people can’t be trusted, the world is a tough place, life’s too hard, it’s lonely at the top, it’s not worth it, things will never change. There are so many more…. <\/span><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

As a kid, I literally got told many of these things but<\/strong>, we don’t have to be told.<\/em>  Picture a 5 year old boy who wets his pants in school and the teacher shames him in front of the class.  He will now, from that event, make some conclusions about himself and his world.  He may think “I’m stupid” or “there’s something wrong with me”.  Some of it depends on what was said to him and some of it depends on his own interpretations and previous experiences, especially if he’s had any similar ones…. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Why am I writing this? I am sharing this because I feel quite qualified and compelled. <\/strong> We’ve had 3 suicides in our community in the last 2 months.  Since the people who actually commit suicide can’t share with us what they were thinking and feeling (unless they wrote it out for us), those of us who have had those dark thoughts and feelings can speak about it.  I have on so many occasions, especially as a teenager felt so powerless and had so many of the thoughts above (if not all of them) that it was just too painful.  I didn’t know how to deal with the pain, didn’t know if and when it would end, and felt I had no one to talk to that would understand. <\/span><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

A lot of us and our kids are hurting.  I feel very close to this issue because I struggle too. <\/strong> Sometimes I feel distant from people, even my own family and kids and I hope they know how much I love them, but I don’t know what to say or how to tell them.  I wasn’t taught how to deal with emotions growing up, so I’m learning at 42.  We are all pretty isolated at times, running here and there.  We all have our own interests…. It can feel very alone.  Our electronics (cell phones, computers, ipods, ipads and TV’s) make it worse.  It can be awkward to try to change our habits and patterns, but I believe it can literally save our lives.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

As very small children, we are all pure — we just feel what we feel and know what we want and need.  We are like sponges and our subconscious minds just accept whatever we see and hear. So, around age two when we start becoming more independent and as we get older, the world starts to teach us right\/wrong, good\/bad, what we should and should not be and do. Up until age six, we just takes it all in as if it’s true, without question. We don’t question it — it just goes into our subconscious mind.  We also make up meanings, like the 5-year old above did. (I’m stupid, there’s something wrong with me, etc).  The meaning makes sense to us and we think it’s true at the time.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The problem is we carry these meanings we created as a child, that may or may not serve us, into our teen and adult years and sometimes keep them our whole lives.  We may never question them and then we go on to teach our kids those same beliefs.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Here’s the issue – our subconscious mind (all those beliefs from when we were young) is pretty much running the show.<\/strong><\/em> It is like a“program” running in in the background.  Our subconscious programs trump our conscious ones every time.  Most of the programs in our subconscious we are not conscious of.  That’s the rub.  If we’re not conscious of it, how do we address it?  How can we change it?<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

First, we can become conscious of it by looking at our results<\/strong>.  If we are not getting the results we want, we can bet there’s a belief behind it.  <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

We also can just begin to question our beliefs in general. <\/strong> Many of our beliefs stay with us and don’t change because we have collected a lot of evidence to prove to ourselves that what we believe is true and that we’re right.  We skew things, but we don’t even know we’re doing it.<\/span><\/span>  We see life through a filter.  We believe what we believe IS THE TRUTH (and it is…to us).  It is our<\/u> truth.  <\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

If you ask someone else, they may see it differently and they believe just as strongly in their<\/u> truth as you do yours.  So who’s right?  The answer is no one.  There are many ways to see things and many possible meanings.  Unless we look at these beliefs, meanings, stories and versions of the truth and ask, “Is that really true?”,  “Is there another possibility?”,<\/em> we will continue to experience that reality, even if it’s not what we want.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

If we have beliefs that are not serving us, we can choose something different<\/strong>.  If we do not like the outcomes we are getting, we can choose differently.  
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There’s an equation I really like, E + A + R = O: (Event + Assumptions + Response = Outcome).<\/strong>  The event may be something that just happens, say we lose the game or get fired or get ill… it could be something we have NO control over.  Assumptions are our beliefs and stories about that event, ourselves, others, the “system”, life, etc.  We have influence over our attitude\/assumptions about things.  We just need to be conscious that we have a choice because the response we have (action we take) comes from our assumptions. The outcome we get comes from that.  <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Where we have the most power is our assumptions\/beliefs.<\/strong>  We actually have a lot of power!  We just need to recognize it and learn to harness it.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

I beg you, be willing to look at yourself, question your own beliefs, question what you believe about your family members, yourself, the world, other people, money, work, time, values, etc.  Don’t just unconsciously believe what you were “taught” or the opposite of that (“I’m never going to be like my mother”).  Be as intentional as you can about your view of the world, not only in what you say, but by what you do.  I know it’s scary.  I know we all have our own needs we are trying to get met…  <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

If we take responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings and actions, we can make better choices and influence those around us in a healthier, better way.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Here are some ideas for becoming more aware and owning your power!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n